Does anyone else ever feel like they are "playing" adult?  I feel like I am still a kid playing "grown up" except I don't trip over my shoes as much.  I don't really mind this pretend feeling.  I just wish there were longer stretches of kid moments.. you know.  Ugh, the burdens of being a respsonsible adult are yelling at me to get back to work.  Shut up already, wouldja!

I keep fluctuating between *I am so going to be able to get all this done* and *Holy Crap! How am I going to get this all done???*

And there is no inbetween. 

In less than one week I will:
~ be living in a new city
~ living with a BOY!
~ starting a brand new job in the area of OT that I feel the least confident
~ living out of a suitcase
~ and trying my damndest to make friends.

YIKES!! I'll just go to work and forget all those thoughts.

I had the Spring Moment today while on my walk.  The Spring Moment is the one moment every spring where you suddenly notice EVERYTHING is green!!!  You can watch for spring to slowly progress, but no matter how slowly the colors develop there is always THE MOMENT like when the Wizard of Oz suddlenly goes color.  A pleasant surprise.

You know that conversation that starts with the question "if you could have any super power what would it be?"  I just came up with the best one and it's even practical!!!  I may not save lives with it, but I do believe that I will save many relationships.  I could lease myself out and make tons of money.  My new coveted super power would be to be able to touch, hold, or look at something and to know if I or someone else would ever need or use it EVER AGAIN.  That's it, I claim it and you can't have it (but I would help you for a small fee)!

So it's hitting me.  Gradually, but it's hitting me.  I knew it would happen, because I've been through this before.  It can be brief or sometimes drawn out.  It's not always sad.  And even when it's sad, it's not ALL sad.  Every one is happy to leave SOME thing behind.  So twice this week it occured to me that I am LEAVING St. Paul, not just GOING TO Madison.  It's been brief moments.  Nothing to really even write about, but I will.  

The first moment I was going to my morning team meeting.  I parked my car and walked up the little hill to my building and I thought to myself, "Ah, this is one my last team meetings.  I hope Janise is here today."  Then a few minutes later Janise asked me about how I was doing with the move and I told her, "I am just starting to get sad."  And Janise made this sympathetic face (I LOVE JANISE!!).  And I responded, "Oh, don't worry it just started like 10 minutes ago and frankly I am kind of over it already."  And I was.  Work is a blessing in that at times it keeps your mind busy when you really don't need or want it to be still.

The second moment happened just now.  I was cleaning my apartment and finished the kitchen.  And I was trying to decide which room to clean next.  I said out loud to myself, "Oh, I should do my bedroom next it has been driving me nuts.  BUT it only has to drive me nuts for two more weeks and if I want to have people over I should... "  That's when it occurred to me TWO WEEKS!!! TWO WEEKS!!! OMG.  Chop. Chop.  Post to livejournal THEN get busy.  Procrastination has always been my favorite form of art!

Things I did tonight: 
texted John
talked to John
watched two t.v. shows
read live journal (a few times)
posted to live journal
knit 5 rows of a project
jogged and walked
worked on my sister's resume for HOURS!! (I became obsessed)
made dinner
ate dinner
emailed my cousin
thought about things I should do


Do any of you see "wrote report" or "called ____'s mom to discuss progress" or "packed a box"?? Do you see these items on my list of accomplishments??? Why can't I do the things that I  MUST?? Where is my cup of motivation??  Why do I procrastinate??  I feel like I have a lot to do before I leave my job and before I move to Madison.  It's all really managable right now.  Really if I got a bunch of stuff done now I could amaze myself with a relatively low stress resignation and relocation.  Nope, I am just setting myself up for major freakout transition.  Release me from this procrastination!  I beg.

Okay, I am not going to bed until I have this report written and then I will edit it tomorrow.  Maybe I'll have a beer first.

Okay, I am stressed.  I have 10,000 things running through my head that I never get anything done because I don't know where to start.  Or I can only start something, but not finish it.  And while I was starting that task something else either got slapped at me or I generously agreed to do something.  WHY do I do this?  Yes, I need to learn to say no, but...

Okay, get this.  I applied for a job with Madison Schools this past February.  I kept thinking that it was too simple and I thought they had a more draining essay writing part to their application, but I never ran across it.  Then I got a different job in Madison... woo hooo.  Today I got an email saying that I need to finish this Experience Inventory sheet for the MMSD application.  And there they were the five 1 page essay questions.  So one thing I am a little anxious about is whether or not  I can live with such limited vacation time at a "real" job.  I know boo hoo cry me river, but when you are used to the school schedule you're used to the school schedule.  I am not sure that schools are my passion, but tasting of the clinic life might just tell me that they are.  So do I find time to write up 5 essays so that I can have this as a potential opportunity if the schools hire within the next year? Or do I just commit to the job that I am pretty sure I could love or at least learn a lot?  I can apply for other OT jobs when I get to that crossroads.  Did I just answer my own question?

Did I mention that I am pretty sick, too?  Dude, work with me!!! I need to be the Energizer Bunny for the next month.  Did I mention that Dampha is pretty great?!!

I have been in a phase for awhile where I hate, absolutely hate, about 75% of my clothing.  I feel like it is all drab and homely looking.  I am also getting ready to move.  So I am constantly fighting the urge to purge EVERYTHING!  ... well almost everything.  I am trying to keep it in control.  Today I purged only  my sock drawer.  

Is it just a girl thing to suddenly hate almost every piece of clothing you own or do boys do that too?  Is the joy of purging (clothing, not food) a girl thing, too? 

I am puzzled.  I do not get why my co-worker would share details with me about how she got caught with a sudden case of diarrhea when out for walk and had trouble "keeping it in."  I also do not get why she would talk to me about how she got her period last weekend even though she is over 60.  Again with A LOT of details.  Same co-worker was too embarrassed to decline a piece of cake from a mother of a family (who is a nurse) due to being diabetic.  She said, "What was I going to say no and tell her I am diabetic?  So I just ate a small piece."  Is it just me or is that weird?