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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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  2008.12.22  20.07
classic winter

So, I am reading or re-reading a bunch of classics this winter. I think the main reason I started this project was that envisioned sitting in a comfy rocking chair next to a fire place with a cozy blanket. When in reality I don't have a rocking chair nor a fire place and given a fire AND a blanket I would be having a heat stroke.

So far I have read Wuthering Heights (liked AND hated it), To Kill a Mockingbird (liked it the first time, LOVED it the 2nd time and want to name my first born Atticus!!!), and now I started Pride and Prejudice at my parent's house today. My parents house is the closest I have come to my comfy image with the blanket, fire place and a rocking chair is available. Reading this book at my parent's house is probably going to be my solace of the ENTIRE winter.

The thing I didn't predict with reading a bunch of classics as a non-English major is that I would know so many of the characters by them being referenced in movies, t.v. shows, and conversations with friends. I just met Mr. Darcy and I caught myself thinking, "oh, I know all about you mister!" Another surprise is how obsessed I get with wanting to go back and see all the movies and shows in which these books were referenced. Do you know how challenging it is to find the name of the episode of Friends where Phoebe and Rachel were in a book club where they read Wuthering Heights? Oh, I found it, but then wasn't able to find the episode available to watch anywhere online.

Anyway, I am having fun reading all the mandatory readings for an english major by choice. And if there are anymore suggestions please let me know!!

 
 


 
  2008.11.09  21.51


If a girl were to say she wanted to read a bunch of classics this winter what would you tell her to read?

Do not ask me to define "classic" just go with what you would consider a classic.

Yes, I am talking about myself.

 
 


 
  2008.07.09  09.26
Self awareness moment.

One of my goals FOREVER is to become a morning person. To get up early and get things done. To get up early and workout. To get up early and actually be happy to be awake!! To just get up early and not want to kill someone! Well, today I drug myself out of bed at 6:40 (which is crack of dawnish for me) for an early morning visit. I walk straight to my cell phone in hopes my first visit called to cancel, which they never do and didn't today. As I am thinking, "Damn it" because I have no voicemails I look out the window and there is this couple walking down my street. This couple was in workout gear RETURNING from their morning jog. This couple was laughing appearing soooooooooo full of LEISURE and joy at what was considered an ungodly hour for me. It was that moment that I realized I am not capable of that.

 
 


 
  2008.06.16  14.14


I cannot get a single done lately. It is so going to kick my ass soon. I keep telling myself that if I get work done while actually at work then I can be more coo' and everything outside of work, but it ain't working. Maybe I should resort to bribery. stickers or candy? hmmm...

 
 


 
  2008.04.12  11.52
date please....

I think it would be wise for ALL products like food, cat food, personal hygiene, maybe even cleaning products and maybe even ALL commercial items to stamp a date on them. Not necessarily an expiration date, but maybe a general "this was bought or put on the shelf on this date" type date. It would be very helpful to those who move in with their partner who likes to hoard things to know exactly how old something is. It's a little scary to find bulging canned food items or food (human and cat) that EXPIRED in 2003. TWO THOUSAND THREE!!! Some of these items could be in kindergarten or the FIRST GRADE!!! gross.

 
 


 
  2008.03.31  21.52


I would like something to be easy for once. Just once.

Or a better attitude.

no, it's not me... can't be.

 
 


 
  2008.03.31  14.39


I am just grumpy today. Like people are expecting me to do my job and shit... nothing more, but damn them for wanting me to do what's expected of me.

 
 


 
  2008.03.26  21.44
It may be a bold statement, but I'm gonna make it.

I have officially decided upon my life long goal.

eh-um...

My goal in this lifetime is to become a project FINISHER.

STOP LAUGHING AT ME!


It can be done, right? If I finish just ONE project that means I succeed, right? Should I add a percentage?? ugh how OTish of me or maybe just geek. I'm fired.

But seriously, I just tidied up MY space (not the website) and I totally have over 15 projects and groups of scraps of junk that could potentially become yet another project pile with temporary ambition. And just yesterday I was asking John about where I could take a wood working class in Madison. What is the criteria for adult ADD??

 
 


 
  2008.02.28  08.03


I called in sick today. If I try really hard and sit super still I am sure I can feel a headache forming in the back of my head. I just woke up today and said, "I have not wanted to go into work this entire month. So today I am not." I feel slightly guilty, but only slightly. Is anyone else suffering from a case of the Februaries? I have never in my life looked so forward to spring, like it's my life line or something. And the sad thing is one of reasons I called in sick is that I have so much work-work and some personal-work to do that I just don't have time to see kids today. I know that part of my angst is that I need to just get caught up at work. So basically I have called in sick to work in order to work. hmmmmm.... However, I am so excited about the fact that I have started a report, a load of laundry and eating breakfast practically simultaneously.

But the other truth is: I have just never been that person who gets up and goes to work EVERY SINGLE day.

 
 


 
  2008.01.27  14.33
These boots were made for walking...

I just went for a walk. I love going for walks. I love exercising outside.

 
 


 
  2007.05.21  13.48
Obsessions and me don't mix.

I don't want to unpack! I DON'T WANNA!! And work tomorrow??? puh-lease. I can't imagine ever going to work AGAIN!!! I am soooooo obsessed with my new yard. I want to plant flowers, veggies, and berries. But I am just starting to understand the sunlight and shade of my yard. I want to mow and plant grass!!! I can't think about anything else. I cannot function when I am obsessed. I have many people in my life who are obsessive type folks. Even my friend, Paul, pointed it out once that I have so many friends who are obsessive (he included) that I must be like the calm eye of the storm for my friends. I really don't understand how people have obsessions and continue to function in the real world. Maybe I can use this passion/obsession to motivate me to unpack and get paperwork done at the office FASTER. Instead of dawdling over stuff. Is "dawdling" a word?

Maybe if I get all my unpacking done this week I can spend all weekend in the yard. Hi-Ho! Hi-Ho!

 
 


 
  2007.05.02  16.27


I just want to go home.  I am hungry and sick of doing paperwork.  SOMEBODY needs to remind me how good I am going to feel if and when all this work is done.  Like what if I actually went home tomorrow night and didn't have to completely cram away on reports.  If I just focus and applied myself RIGHT NOW ... could I borrow someone's Ritalin?? I'd give 50$ for half a tablet!  MUST. GET. THIS. SH#T. DONE.

 
 


 
  2007.04.30  12.27
is the game over??

Does anyone else ever feel like they are "playing" adult?  I feel like I am still a kid playing "grown up" except I don't trip over my shoes as much.  I don't really mind this pretend feeling.  I just wish there were longer stretches of kid moments.. you know.  Ugh, the burdens of being a respsonsible adult are yelling at me to get back to work.  Shut up already, wouldja!



 
 


 
  2007.04.30  07.27
bipolar tendencies

I keep fluctuating between *I am so going to be able to get all this done* and *Holy Crap! How am I going to get this all done???*

And there is no inbetween. 

In less than one week I will:
~ be living in a new city
~ living with a BOY!
~ starting a brand new job in the area of OT that I feel the least confident
~ living out of a suitcase
~ and trying my damndest to make friends.

YIKES!! I'll just go to work and forget all those thoughts.



 
 


 
  2007.04.24  21.46


I had the Spring Moment today while on my walk.  The Spring Moment is the one moment every spring where you suddenly notice EVERYTHING is green!!!  You can watch for spring to slowly progress, but no matter how slowly the colors develop there is always THE MOMENT like when the Wizard of Oz suddlenly goes color.  A pleasant surprise.



 
 


 
  2007.04.23  22.47
super powers for moving call 'bellanotsoblu!!!

You know that conversation that starts with the question "if you could have any super power what would it be?"  I just came up with the best one and it's even practical!!!  I may not save lives with it, but I do believe that I will save many relationships.  I could lease myself out and make tons of money.  My new coveted super power would be to be able to touch, hold, or look at something and to know if I or someone else would ever need or use it EVER AGAIN.  That's it, I claim it and you can't have it (but I would help you for a small fee)!



 
 


 
  2007.04.21  10.10
Kaaaa-BAM!!!

So it's hitting me.  Gradually, but it's hitting me.  I knew it would happen, because I've been through this before.  It can be brief or sometimes drawn out.  It's not always sad.  And even when it's sad, it's not ALL sad.  Every one is happy to leave SOME thing behind.  So twice this week it occured to me that I am LEAVING St. Paul, not just GOING TO Madison.  It's been brief moments.  Nothing to really even write about, but I will.  

The first moment I was going to my morning team meeting.  I parked my car and walked up the little hill to my building and I thought to myself, "Ah, this is one my last team meetings.  I hope Janise is here today."  Then a few minutes later Janise asked me about how I was doing with the move and I told her, "I am just starting to get sad."  And Janise made this sympathetic face (I LOVE JANISE!!).  And I responded, "Oh, don't worry it just started like 10 minutes ago and frankly I am kind of over it already."  And I was.  Work is a blessing in that at times it keeps your mind busy when you really don't need or want it to be still.

The second moment happened just now.  I was cleaning my apartment and finished the kitchen.  And I was trying to decide which room to clean next.  I said out loud to myself, "Oh, I should do my bedroom next it has been driving me nuts.  BUT it only has to drive me nuts for two more weeks and if I want to have people over I should... "  That's when it occurred to me TWO WEEKS!!! TWO WEEKS!!! OMG.  Chop. Chop.  Post to livejournal THEN get busy.  Procrastination has always been my favorite form of art!



 
 


 
  2007.04.19  23.08
things accomplished

Things I did tonight: 
texted John
talked to John
watched two t.v. shows
read live journal (a few times)
posted to live journal
knit 5 rows of a project
jogged and walked
worked on my sister's resume for HOURS!! (I became obsessed)
made dinner
ate dinner
emailed my cousin
thought about things I should do


Do any of you see "wrote report" or "called ____'s mom to discuss progress" or "packed a box"?? Do you see these items on my list of accomplishments??? Why can't I do the things that I  MUST?? Where is my cup of motivation??  Why do I procrastinate??  I feel like I have a lot to do before I leave my job and before I move to Madison.  It's all really managable right now.  Really if I got a bunch of stuff done now I could amaze myself with a relatively low stress resignation and relocation.  Nope, I am just setting myself up for major freakout transition.  Release me from this procrastination!  I beg.

Okay, I am not going to bed until I have this report written and then I will edit it tomorrow.  Maybe I'll have a beer first.



 
 


 
  2007.03.29  13.01


OH and everybody in the world should know that today DAMPHA TURNS 40!!! 

WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

 
 


 
  2007.03.29  12.57


She said, "you'll have that for me on my desk tomorrow morning, right?"  I checked to see if she had some initials added to her name that suddenly made her my boss. 

Then she patted me on the head.  Who pats people on the head?  Am I a toddler??

WTF!! 

 
 


 
  2007.03.29  12.14


I have been so busy lately to properly post my exciting news.  Which does not reflect AT ALL on my excitement!!!

DAMPHA found us house to rent!!!!  WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  If I were fancy pants I would post pictures or post a link so you can see pictures, but I am me not a fancy pants.  BUT if you want to see the house go to www.madison.craigslist.com and do a search for 604 Copeland.  Because I like lists here is a list of things that rock about our new home.

1. Living in a house... that just rocks in itself.
2. A block from the bike path.
3. walking distance to Pasqual's.
4. walking distance to Mallott's in which Dampha will blow the budget on costumes, make up, and wine.
5. Bike ride to Trader's Joe's
6. A yard
7. A one car garage (I know what you're thinking "where's dampha going to park?")
8. THREE bedrooms
9. TWO bathrooms!!!
10. A sunroom
11. gas stove
12. Washer and two dryers
13. quiet neighborhood
14. both within 10 minutes of work
15. entertaining friends with Dampha!!! (that would have happened anywhere, but still!)

WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 
 


 
  2007.03.23  21.43


Okay, I am stressed.  I have 10,000 things running through my head that I never get anything done because I don't know where to start.  Or I can only start something, but not finish it.  And while I was starting that task something else either got slapped at me or I generously agreed to do something.  WHY do I do this?  Yes, I need to learn to say no, but...

Okay, get this.  I applied for a job with Madison Schools this past February.  I kept thinking that it was too simple and I thought they had a more draining essay writing part to their application, but I never ran across it.  Then I got a different job in Madison... woo hooo.  Today I got an email saying that I need to finish this Experience Inventory sheet for the MMSD application.  And there they were the five 1 page essay questions.  So one thing I am a little anxious about is whether or not  I can live with such limited vacation time at a "real" job.  I know boo hoo cry me river, but when you are used to the school schedule you're used to the school schedule.  I am not sure that schools are my passion, but tasting of the clinic life might just tell me that they are.  So do I find time to write up 5 essays so that I can have this as a potential opportunity if the schools hire within the next year? Or do I just commit to the job that I am pretty sure I could love or at least learn a lot?  I can apply for other OT jobs when I get to that crossroads.  Did I just answer my own question?

Did I mention that I am pretty sick, too?  Dude, work with me!!! I need to be the Energizer Bunny for the next month.  Did I mention that Dampha is pretty great?!!



 
 


 
  2007.03.18  19.07
a girl thing?

I have been in a phase for awhile where I hate, absolutely hate, about 75% of my clothing.  I feel like it is all drab and homely looking.  I am also getting ready to move.  So I am constantly fighting the urge to purge EVERYTHING!  ... well almost everything.  I am trying to keep it in control.  Today I purged only  my sock drawer.  

Is it just a girl thing to suddenly hate almost every piece of clothing you own or do boys do that too?  Is the joy of purging (clothing, not food) a girl thing, too? 



 
 


 
  2007.03.16  13.37
is it weird???

I am puzzled.  I do not get why my co-worker would share details with me about how she got caught with a sudden case of diarrhea when out for walk and had trouble "keeping it in."  I also do not get why she would talk to me about how she got her period last weekend even though she is over 60.  Again with A LOT of details.  Same co-worker was too embarrassed to decline a piece of cake from a mother of a family (who is a nurse) due to being diabetic.  She said, "What was I going to say no and tell her I am diabetic?  So I just ate a small piece."  Is it just me or is that weird?



 
 


 
  2007.03.16  09.44


Today I wore a sweater that was determined "clean enough" at 6:30am.  Now as it gets later and later into the day I see that it's actually not very clean at all.  I can remember what I had and what a few of my kids had for lunch earlier this week.  Maybe I'll just dim the lights in my therapy space. 

 
 


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